Demons Be Gone

Christmas has come and gone and I admit that we were all spoiled beyond anything any of us deserved. 'Lavished with gifts' comes to mind, but I suppose it's nice to be pampered from time to time. I feel pampered (and I am grateful to those who did the pampering. Thank you!)

Of course, the kids had their list of wishes, big and small. This year, Alex announced that he needed something practical. His word. Practical. And by practical he didn't mean underwear or socks, he meant...wait for it....holy water. Holy water. Because, according to him, you never know when you're going to need it. Which is hard to argue.

So, Alex got his practical gift.  And instead of sitting on a shelf, he's put it to practical use: ambushing and squirting every.single.person who walks into our home under the pretense that he is checking for demons. (I couldn't make this up if I tried.)

I suddenly feel like I'm living in a Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. For those of you who've stood wet and bewildered in my living room, good news! Alex assures me that he won't be needing to call an exorcist on your behalf. God knows I'll be sleeping better at night.

Deck the Halls and Ho ho ho

On the eve of Christmas Eve, I'm been pondering the finer points of the holiday that's a mere hours away. Well, I guess mostly wondering why the hell do I do this to myself every year because I'm up to my eyeballs in the aftermath of my procrastination. On the bright side, it's nothing that some Christmas cookies and a little booze can't fix....you know what they say, 'Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum.' (Oh, wait. That's 'Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of rum.' Never mind.) Anyway! We've gotten this far and it's not looking too shabby:

Rangling the Xmas Tree

The finishing touch

Deckin' the Halls

Being friggin' adorable

Happy Face

Sad Face

Missing the bottle of rum

Herding Cats

In case you are ever wondering what Tim's definition of desperation looks like, I'll give you a little insider's peek: Being the grand poo-pa of The Festival of Lights minus the volunteers needed for everything to run smoothly causes Tim to beg groups of known merry pranksters to fill in for 'real' help. Apparently he weighed the possibilities of what might happen with us versus what might happen without us and we won the coin toss...although I suspect that he went 2 out of 3.

Last Available Option

And the games begin....

 ....I was posted as the official greeter, with my father, Wild Joe, under the strict orders that we could not greet guests by asking to trade someone's wife for 3 goats. This conversation actually happened. Tim spoils all of the fun.                                                                                                                    

.....Meanwhile at the petting zoo....

...My brother, Dan, and Alex were put in charge, which was a serious Hail Mary to begin with. As the gatekeeper to the zoo, Dan made every. single. person. with gloves remove them before entering the zoo because, as he explained simply to hundreds of people, "The goats will eat them." This, my friends, is a complete and total fabrication. In reality, goats like eating gloves as much as they like eating people. We have no idea what led him to believe that this little factoid was true but he told the masses upon masses of people with utter conviction and there wasn't a gloved hand in the joint.

...While Dan was busy misleading the public in his corner, Alex was busy creating a whole series of ninja moves to be used on the goat seen in the photo with him. From what he's shown me, that goat woulda been toast.

          ....And finally, we played 'Where in the World is Crazy Dar' (aka my mother)......

My mother, whom we loving call Crazy Dar has a tendency to wander somewhat aimlessly (sorry mom, you know it's true). While 'taking tickets' she was miraculously spotted all over the festival looking a bit like this. Pay no attention to the fact that I took these photos while on duty as the official greeter. The point is that the most responsible ticket taker for the evening was my 13 year old daughter.

...And so it went..like herding cats. I wonder if Tim would ask us to work again next year or if given the coin toss he'd do 3 out of 5 next time......

Thanksgiving and Such

The last week has been a blur encompassed in a haze. It could be that I've eaten more turkey this year than the last 5 years combined thanks to Tim and his Yearly Opus.  (I'm convinced that the secret ingredient to everything that man makes on Thanksgiving is crack.) That plus my brothers and parents came from their respective corners of Wyoming for some good 'ole Portlandia fun.

Cliffnotes and Outtakes:

If you ever come to the fair city of Portland, you'll be required to go to Voodoo Doughnut at least once. Even if you don't particularly like doughnuts, you will be dragged there, I guarantee it. Think of it as a rite of passage.

There was a game of glow-in-the-dark golf in which my father made a hole in one that put Tiger Woods to shame. I wish I had more photos of the event. There was also a game of Life that seemed to baffle everyone. Oh, the irony.

Then there was the crack-laden feast (I'm on to you, Tim) and much needed naps:

My cup overfloweth with love and laughter...and I am grateful.

Toil and Trouble

Halloween's sort of a big deal 'round these parts. From my point of view it's arguably the single most ridiculously awesome day out of the entire year. For one sweet night, cheerleaders and aliens agree that, indeed, this Halloween gig is pretty friggin' great and they get along like ebony and ivory....

......And suddenly, I transform into the Martha Stewart of the Macabre......

....Plus, if you're at the right place at the right time, you might catch Hubby Tim dressed up like Evil Knievel. On a moped. Driving up and down the streets of Portland, in order to (ahem) Bring happiness to the people.  No, (*sigh) I'm not making this up....

So yes, we do it up big. Parties, family, friends, costumes, frights....the works. Oh, and it just so happens that it's also the anniversary of the day that 'That Guy that Follows Me Around' officially talked me into letting him become 'Hubby Tim'. So we throw in a little extra 'umph' for that too. Go big or go home. That's how we like to look at Halloween.

This year, Tim's sister and her family joined us from Wisconsin and brought their own brand of fun to the mix....Toil and trouble about sums up the whole weekend.

What Doesn't Kill Ya

According to Sydney, we spend an inordinate amount of time looking for, and glean an annoying amount of enjoyment from, torturing her. By her measure, we have cruelly devised the misery inducing 'Clean Your Room Technique', the anguish triggering 'Pick Up the Basement Method' and the foot stomp/door slam evoking, 'Your Skirt's Too Short, Go Change Approach' (Just to name a few).

Much to her dismay, we have unveiled the newest in the line of torture, which we lovingly call the 'Volunteer of Your Time Scheme' and that pairs nicely with the 'No Sleeping In Technique.' This double punch has caused violent fits of eye-rolling, loud and persistent protesting and even a playing of the But I Have Homework! card.

As for Alex, we can currently get him to do just about anything by hinting that we have the power to make sure he's a dancing chicken in the upcoming ballet this year. Man, he loves volunteering!


Mwahhhhaaahaaaaa! Sydney's right. This parental torture thing is fun.

 Smilin' on the Inside

Not a dancing chicken

Stalking of the Goonies House

First things first: I'm in love with Astoria, Oregon. It has a mysterious feel that I'm a complete sucker for, it's on the coast, it's swarming with craftsman houses which I drool over,  it has an arty and interesting downtown district and you hear sea lions barking as readily as you hear the seagulls. It's hard not to be charmed by this place.
Of course, Astoria has the added draw that Goonies was filmed there: a film that made me dream of living in Oregon when I was growing up and a film that my own kids adore. We couldn't pass up an opportunity to sniff this place out and act like giddy starstruck tourists out front...

Goonies never say die!

From the Oregon Coast, With Love

As the summer heat and crowded beaches are giving way to warm evening light,long shadows and stretches of endless people-less coastline, we took our yearly autumn trip to the coast. Have I mentioned recently how much I love Oregon?