All Dogs Go to Heaven

It's with the heaviest of hearts that we say goodbye to the kindest of souls, and a member of our family, our old dog and faithful friend,Vegas. It was so hard to watch him waste away in his final weeks and terribly painful to make the ultimate decision to put him to sleep. The whole world seems strange without him.

Vegas was Tim's big, sweet, loyal dog for over 13 years and the kids' and mine for over 8. He loved his family, playing at the beach, and eating food scraps that I snuck to him after dinner. He was the friendly neighborhood greeter, the gracious foot warmer, and my noble constant shadow; there's nobody who could escort me around a coffee table the way that he could. He was patient: even if Tim wanted to dance with him, even if I grumbled about his bad breath, even if our spirited wiener dog wanted to roughhouse well after Vegas was too old for such nonsense. He was good-natured and devoted and beautiful to his dying breath.  We are grieving our big, lovable, doe-eyed dog; he was the best dog a family could ask for, and I'm glad he knew it.

As I write this, I notice the tumbles of fir hiding under the kitchen table that I once was obsessively quick to vacuum. Now, I'm just letting them sit a little longer, juuuuust a little bit longer, not quite ready to let it all go. I'm trying to remember that Vegas is running his big, dopey, figure-eights on a beach somewhere in the sky, and I know that once my heart's not so heavy, that thought will make me smile.

A New Year, A New Theme

A wise woman once shared with me that instead of making New Year's Resolutions every year, she chooses to create a personal Theme of the Year to follow. As someone who has always considered the New Year sacred ground, I was inspired by the idea. I had christened the year of 2012, The Year of Revelation and Revolution, which sounded as bold and courageous as I was sure I was going to need to be in 2012. The title felt so heroic; so Joan of Arc; so Harry Potter meets Vodemort.  Funny thing about life....it often rises up to meet you.

Looking back on 2012, there were plenty of monsters to slay and plenty of times that I found myself in the tall grass without much of a working compass. In those moments, I often found myself contemplating who I wanted to be in the world. Beyond the obvious (I want to be a present, loving mother. I want to grow as an artist. I want Ryan Gosling to fall madly in love with me......) I found other words creeping into my consciousness as I sat struggling with the Rubik's cube of life. Bold words. Words that made me stop in my tracks. I found myself facing situations saying things like, I choose to be courage. I choose to be integrity. I choose to be love. I choose to be grace. Somewhere along the way, it dawned on me that Life had it's own take on what Revelation and Revolution might mean and that Revelation and Revolution weren't necessarily going to be the huge external events that I had imagined (although there have been those too) but soul-level insights into how to approach everyday moments. I find some strange sense of power in that knowledge. As I came to embrace this understanding in the last weeks of 2012, I found something else entirely unexpected; a feeling of contentment that I've never know existed. I have always been restless and anxious by nature. Contentment is a country that I have rarely, if ever, visited. So far, I'd have to say that I think that contentment becomes me. And I think I've earned it.

Now we're into the opening act of 2013. I've decided that I need a theme a lot less heavy than last year's, mostly because dealing in Revelation and Revolution is kind of exhausting work, and who wants to rock the boat unnecessarily when you're so new to the whole contentment thing? I gave my theme some real thought, and decided to deem 2013 the Year of Creativity and Prosperity for myself. It seems both playful and healthy. Full of the possibility for wonder and miracles. (And if the Universe wants to throw some extra money my way, I won't object.)

So here's to the New Year! May it be one of prosperity and wonder for you as well.